Take Back Your Life!

Begin Anywhere

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~ Raymond Lindquist

Looking back, I can see that I was taught to hang onto other people’s ideas, other people’s preferences, other people’s dreams, and other people’s rules.

And that made me feel powerless. And I went through much of youth and young adult life like that — not knowing how to take back my own power. Or, even worse, not knowing that I had any power. I thought everyone else had the power and that I was destined to do what I was told, to never speak up, to never decide my own fate.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment or series of moments that I realized that the only way to get my power back was to let go of what others thought my life should look like or what I should look like. It was more like a series of decisions that created the moments that all strung themselves together, like an arching stream of holiday lights welcoming me to a new place.

I spent years letting other folks critique my life. You need to get a conventional job. You need to have children. You need to keep the boat steady. And my appearance. You should cut your hair. You should wear muted lipstick. You should wear capped sleeves. More blah, blah, blah.

Enough I decided.

One of the first things I did to let go was to sign up for an assertiveness training weekend back in my late twenties. The two women that led the class blew my mind away. They had this “give yourself permission” attitude without ever actually saying that.

Before I took their class, I couldn’t even return something to a store that I’d bought on a whim. I was TERRIFIED of the reaction of the clerk. A stranger. And I could not talk back – express opinions – my mother had labelled all such things “talking back” and they were met with a punishment of some kind. And I could not express anger. I was a walking cage, pretty much.

And a year after that program I went to Italy by myself. I went to visit an acquaintance but that turned into a nightmare of sorts, so I ended up traveling by myself to a few cities. It scared me and liberated me at the same time. And it was hilarious because I had to let go of knowing where I was going. In Rome, I ended up getting on a train hoping it was going where I wanted to go — some small village to stay with a friend’s sister I’d never met. I was to call them when I got to the train station but I got off at the wrong one and subsequently had to get back on the train. Meanwhile, they went back to the first stop. So I was still at the wrong station. And I had to get back on the train again …

Once I figured out I felt better every time I let go, I let go a little bit more. A finger here, two fingers there, one arm. Now, I can let go and enjoy the freefall because I know that an adventure awaits me at the end of the fall.

Here a few tips for letting go.

1) Say, “Yes” if it’s something that interests you.

2) Don’t talk yourself out of doing something new by falling back on some “obligation.” The obligations are always there. The something new might be a one-time thing.

3) Find a letting go partner that can support you and who you can support.

4) Spend some time figuring out what it is you want to do in life versus what others want you to do.

5) Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen if I let go in this particular situation?”

Hope these letting go tips help! If you have any more, please feel free to mention in the comments section.

Thanks! G.

p.s. if you want to sign up for Wild Painting in Holliston on Saturday, December 6th, 2 to 4:30 pm, please follow this link!

I can see from my own life how we tame our young, how we de-wild them so they are willing to sit in a chair for most of their lives. In a way, we break the young like we break a wild horse. We don’t throw a saddle on their backs. Instead we throw a chair on it and then turn them over. If someone told you as a young child that you’d spend most of your young adult and adult life in a chair, would you willingly go along with that?

I’m thankful that I spent a good chunk of my youth pretty free. Those days have somewhat dried up for today’s kids, but I believe it’s going to swing back. Everything swings back on the pendulum of “this is how you do it.”

Did you know Polaroids have made a comeback? They have a freedom to see and touch and hold the picture immediately that digital does not. I love old pictures of relatives and have them all around my home. The sepia that comes from aging looks beautiful to me. How do you do that with digital when it’s the reclamation and degradation of the photo that makes it look so lovely? I think film will be coming back strong as well. Once the power of wildness trickles up to the experts that folks listen to – and, ironically, they tend to be behind the “what’s next curve,” which makes the whole notion of expertdom rather comical at times. (more…)

I’ve discovered that imagination gets rusty when we don’t use it. As a young elementary school kid, I painted all kinds of wild pictures with nothing but my mind. No photos, no books, no anything.

I could conjure up what folks looked like, images, scenes from my yard. And I had a distinct style of semi-distortion. Over time, I stopped painting/drawing completely and then when I retook it up around the age of 39, I found it difficult to paint anything without some kind of crutch like a photo, etc

About two years ago, I took a drawing class and forced myself to draw only from my mind. I got better and better over time. In between classes, I might look at a picture of a ferris wheel, but once in class, I painted “wild.” (more…)

As a young child, I felt powerful.

I used to speak my mind, entertain adults with my provocative personality and roam the neighborhood in search of adventures. School definitely put a lid on my power. Way too many of my teachers wanted to tame me, put me in a box, turn me into some obedient little clone. I tried to fight it and ended up in corners, in hallways, in detention, etc.

They just keep working me until I retreated into myself and went along with the mind and soul numbing program.

Why do we do this to kids and young adults and think it’s a good idea? (more…)

So, I went into the library the other day and saw this book in the new book section called: Social Media Is Bull Shit by BJ Mendelson.

I haven’t read it yet, but I’ve been feeling fatigued by social media the past few months and thought it might make a good discussion here on social media! Should a discussion on the potential bullshitedness of social media be conducted on-line or in person? Good question.

Can you believe that discussing this topic gave me enough energy to write a blog post?

Maybe I’ve been too engaged with face-to-face interaction in my town and my creativity group, not sure. Actually, the past few weeks I’ve been commenting on this leadership group on Linked In that found me and invited me to join. I must say that I’ve found the questions really intriguing. Is that BS? Not sure.

Anyway, I think part of the social media BS phenom seems to revolve around the promise of making a gazillion dollars if you just spend enough for a high end coach – like $50,000 and up for a year. If you do that they say, then you’ll make it in the biz world. If you don’t want to spend that money (to make them a gazillionaire), then you are somehow not invested in yourself.

Those arguments make me crazy. I tend to think that the earlier folks in the social media pyramidish scheme made it big and the late comers have a harder time because so many folks now understand that it is a pyramid of sorts. I had to get rid of so many newsletters because everyone sounded the same because they were trained by folks who coached them on what to say based on what they were coached to say. Those templates that get passed around.

I’m doing well with my face-to-face organic marketing campaigns. I do good for the world and meet folks that way. Often my clients aren’t the people I meet doing good, but friends of friends who get referred by the folks I’m doing good with or take time to have coffee/tea with. And I’m not doing that to even get clients. I do it because it makes me feel like I’m contributing to the world in some way.

I enjoy listening to folks and sharing my own experiences in the hopes it might be of use to them.

Maybe it’s just me, but I do the thing that makes me feel good – which is speaking out – and if folks want that they contact me.

I’ve met some wonderful folks on social media and that part is bullhumble (golly, is that even a word? I’m trying to find the opposite of bullshit.). It’s the template training that feels fraudulent to me.

How about you? What’s your take on social media? Is it really even social?

thanks! G.

I love Yes! Magazine and its tagline: Powerful Ideas, Practical actions. Every issue comes jam packed with new ways to look at the way we humans do things.

The article titled “Survival of the Nicest” in the spring 2013 issue caught my eye right away. Runs contrary to what I’ve been raised to believe about my fellow humans.

I watched the second season (and maybe series) finale of Enlightened. Not a big TV viewer but this HBO series feels different on every level. Deep, thoughtful writing that leaves the viewer enlightened after watching it. A call to wake up and be an agent of change like main character Amy Jellicoe. So few answer the call to be brave when it presents itself.

From the first episode, it spoke to the part of me that likes to stand up and ask, “What’s going on here?” knowing that I/you may upset people who do not want to upset the status quo apple cart.

The characters are real, rich and complex – you love and don’t love them at the same time, especially Amy who does at least one cringe-worthy act a week. Yet, when each one started to stand up for his or herself I found myself more on the love than don’t love side. For example, I didn’t find Amy’s boss Dougie attractive at all until the last two shows when he joined Amy to do the right thing and turn the sleazy company President Szidon of Abaddon into the press. Then boom, I’m thinking, “When did Dougie get that sexy?” It happened when he stood up for something that mattered to him, when he exhibited his brave “I don’t give a crap what they do to me” side.  (more…)

I’ve been busy taking drawing classes, reading drawing books, drawing almost daily.

In my present drawing class, everyone else is attempting to copy the still life. I started to do that in week #1 and then found myself taking one part of the still life and making it unstill, making it overflowing with possibilities, filling it with things that don’t necessarily exist the way we view the world. (They may exist if I can think them up, but that’s another blog post.)

Every week since then, I’ve gotten an idea and gone with it. Sometimes I put a slogan across the top and draw what represents the slogan to me. Other times I start drawing and the slogan appears. I love note cards and note pads and decided I wanted my drawings on them. (more…)

I’ve noticed in life that we all have different truths.

Problems develop in our psyches when we do not honor our own truths and instead subordinate them to the those masquerading as truth lords. These often appear early in life as teachers or bosses or parents and later in life as governmental leaders. We are taught to ignore our own truths, that there is only one right truth and only those anointed in truth training have the power to state them. (more…)